Essay can be found here
MESSAGE:
The different era’s of Josh’s childhood are shown and how the concept of video games and overall technology grew and cemented itself in his life.
DETAILS:
The first scene with the puddle, while detailed and capturing, does not seem to fit the theme very well. The scenes with Josh’s cousins and their Game Boy’s, His brother and father with Guitar Hero, or his narrow escape from his brother fit the theme better but lack in detail. Expanding on just one or two of these memories would help show growing up with tech
STRUCTURE:
A continuous chronological flow is vital to keep track of the different memories and is used well. Different consoles marked different era’s and memories associated with each console. Keeping this flow in the final cut will keep the essay understandable
POSITIVES:
A selection of memories are presented and the ability to detail the mud puddle memory shows proof a detailed memory can be presented. The different consoles marking different periods helped distinguish sections of the essay as well.